When It’s Not Your Fault

One of the things my anxiety loves to do to me is try and convince me that everything is my fault.

Of course, this only applies to the bad things. When good things happen, anxiety brain likes to remind me that I just got lucky or that this stroke of good fortune can’t possibly last. Good things are a fluke, and bad things are completely and utterly my fault—and if it’s my fault, it must also be my responsibility to fix them or be punished for failing to fix them. Anxiety brain can really get out of hand with what qualifies as “bad” and “my fault.” I’ve had to pull a slew of coping mechanisms out of my tool box to deal with anxiety brain trying to punish me for the actions of the American government barely three days into 2020.

We see those tendencies crop up for Alexis in Chapter 13 of Author x Audience as well, especially in relation to her relationship with her mother and being home again. 

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Nice Guys

Hooray! We made it to Chapter Two!

If you read the first blogpost, you know that I started writing this story back in 2015. My partner has read the manuscript multiple times, but the parts that have changed the most over the course of several edits are these first few chapters. Originally, Alexis and Lizzy were going to be staying in Los Angeles for a longer period of time than just a few days, and Alexis and Terry were going to have a few meetings where they chatted and got to know each other as people in a less intense environment. Unfortunately, the pacing of that didn’t work for my beta readers, and the number of locations, situations, and characters was just too much—so all of that got condensed into Chapter Two, where Alexis and Terry navigate a bunch of really new territory really quickly.

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The Big Picture

To understand why I started writing Author X Audience, first you have to understand a few things about me. First, there are two things I always return to when under stress: books, and a night owlish sleep schedule. Second: when the world feels unfamiliar to me, I start looking for stories that I can relate to.

Studying abroad in Japan, I was under a lot of stress and I couldn’t find any stories that I could relate to.

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