Good Enough

Something my anxiety is always trying to convince me of is that I’m not good enough.

It’s a feeling I end up having to fight a lot on any given day—especially when it comes to my writing.

Author X Audience is here for you to read because I embrace one rule about my writing constantly: finished is better than perfect.

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Novembers Old & New

November is a pretty big time of year for me, and for Alexis.

Like her, I always went to my grandparents’ house for Thanksgiving to celebrate with my mother’s side of the family. Any turkey less than 18 pounds was “just a big chicken” by my Papu’s ruling, and my sisters and I would peel potatoes with our Nana and set all the tables while my four male cousins cleaned up after. Everyone was involved in Thanksgiving, and it was great. We spent the whole week lounging around, enjoying each other’s company. It was a warm and happy space.

Then, when I got to college, I stopped wanting to go. It was great to see them, but now people were doing things like asking me what I was going to do with a fine arts degree and guilt tripping me into coming because, what with my Nana and Papu’s advancing ages and their brushes with cancer, “we didn’t know how many Thanksgivings we had left.”

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Trauma Informed

This chapter of Author X Audience is about trauma.

Trauma is difficult to nail down. It’s difficult to know what it looks like, what will trigger it, and even who is suffering from it. The thing about abuse is that one often doesn’t know that they’re being abused when it’s happening. Women don’t stay with abusive husbands because they want to, they stay with difficult partners because they believe they’re the only ones who can help them. Similarly, I knew I didn’t like being hit by my father as a child, and I certainly felt it was wrong, but no one did anything to stop it, so I assumed it must be normal.

That abuse of my person left me traumatized, and it’s only within the last five years that I’ve really understood how much.

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Letting Go

Something I struggle a lot with as a writer is when to call something “done.”

My process is first draft, second draft, third draft if necessary, then beta readers round one, beta readers round 2, and then submitting/releasing.

Author X Audience went through all of that, and there are still things about it that I want to change sometimes. Makes sense, though. I wrote it three years ago. In that time, I’ve grown a lot as a writer and changed some of my process to be more efficient.

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